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Be sure to check back soon - new 'best-of' advice
columns are posted regularly! DEAR RENTAPAL - is my wife a lesbian?... My wife and I went out to a nightclub last week. I was talking with some people and when I went to look for my wife, I found her kissing another girl on the dance floor! She told me that they were just hugging and not kissing, but I know what I saw. The next day, she told me that she was just too drunk and didn't know what she was doing. What advice can you give me? Pete Dear Pete Get back to the nightclub as soon as possible, buy your wife lots of drinks and hope that you get invited to the party. Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I need a break-up... I have a boyfriend that i really don't like. I need to break up with him but he's a total sweetheart and I would feel bad! What should I do?? Danielle Dear Danielle, Find him a replacement girlfriend first. Bring her to your break-up, introduce them and then leave. Your pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I need a hug... I've been having trouble at work and with my wife and need a friend to tell me everything is ok Rex Dear Rex A true friend will tell you what you really need to hear, not what you think that you need to hear. If you are having trouble with your job and with your wife, then everything is not alright! You need to do three things immediately - - 1. Buy your wife two dozen roses for no reason at all - with no explanations or discussion. Just hand them to her (or have them delivered) with only a note that says "Love, Rex" and go back to whatever you were doing, as if nothing happened. The rest will take care of itself. 2. Have congratulatory flowers anonymously delivered to you at your office with no note attached. Don't give any kind of explanation and don't discuss them with anyone. If questioned, just laugh and say "I don't know what they are for or who sent them." It will create a sense of intrigue around you. 3. Start a subscription to have the Wall Street Journal delivered to your office, addressed to you, with the title of "President". If anyone asks about it, deny any and all knowledge. Within one year you will be in a better job - either at this company or another. Your pal, Paul Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - help keep the bullies away!.. I used to get bullied a lot in grammar school and I wanted more than anything to have a friend. Would you extend your services to have a staff of rent-a-pals for the appropriate ages? I Thanks for listening, Georgette Dear Georgette, That's a great idea! No need to look for additional Rentapals though - I can keep those bullies away! Your pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I'm a bully..... Hi Rentapal, I get very board in the workplace in my free time and I like to bug our office assistant, Tammy. She's from Oklahoma and my co-workers and I make fun of her because of the way people in OK speak and act. One day my co worker saw a show on noodling (catching fish with your bare hands) and decided that it would be funny to ask her if she noodles. Now the theme is stuck to her and we make fun of Tammy's "noodling" habits. Is this ok that its so funny or is it wrong? Jakester Dear Jakester, It sounds like you were unloved as a child. You are misdirecting your self-hatred at Tammy. Invite Tammy to lunch and stick up for her to the others. You will make a new friend, gain the respect of the others, and improve your self-esteem... Your pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - just curious.. I'm living in argentina and have no interest in renting you as a pal (no offence intended). I'm just curious as to what your motive is. I can imagine it started out as a purely economic one but it must have evolved with time and experience in the field. Isn't it bizarre to enter someone's life for a specific period of time and for a specific purpose and then leave? That's all Oh, and what's your professional background? Patra Dear Patra Rentapal is both a public service and an interactive art project. It is a vision of the future, when everyone will rent everything - because after all, isn't everything just temporary anyway? To become Rentapal required much training and education. I received a PhD. in Applied Clinical Friendology from the prestigious Friendship University (or, as it is more affectionately known: "F.U.") Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - is it me?... im a 31 year old man, my wife wont let me see her naked, it either has to be pitch black or under covers. She cant be shy because she works in a strip club. is it me? Steve Dear Steve To see your wife naked, just visit the strip club - but be sure to tip her well. See how easy a solution can be? Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - my job is driving me to drink... I'm 32 years old and work in real estate sales in Los Angeles. It's a very high pressure industry and I drink just about every night to relieve the stress of my job. I find that I can't go through a night without at least a couple of drinks now. What should I do? L.K. Dear L.K. Your occupation should make you feel fulfilled and satisfied, not drained and stressed. You are obviously in the wrong job and should change it as soon as possible. In the meantime, try this: http://www.wendi.com/alcohol Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - ant life a bitch?... Why Does Everyone Have A Close Companion They Can Do Everything With But I Do Not ? Please Reply Awfully Quickly .. I Have No One To Talk To Besides My Ant Farm :( I Need A Friend !!! Joshua Dear Joshua Ants can be great company. Did you name each one of them yet? That will take your mind off your loneliness. Your pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I have low self esteem.... i have trouble meeting women because i am awkward and have low self esteem. you seem like a handsome man...could you give me some advice? Elie Dear Elie If you think I'm a handsome man, you have more than a self esteem problem. You really need to get out of the house more often! Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - oops, I farted on a 1st date... I had a date with this great guy and accidentally farted while we were having dinner! Fortunately the waiter came to take our order so I didn't have to think of something to say. I quickly started a conversation about another topic after the waiter left, but I'm sure my date heard me fart! It was our first date, and over two weeks ago, and I never heard from him again. I'm so embarrassed. Should I call him or did I totally ruin my chances with him? Beaniegirl Dear Beaniegirl There are two cardinal rules for first dates. No vomiting and no farting. Thou broketh the rule, and now thou must payeth the penalty! You blew it (so to speak). Forget him. You will never hear from him again. Consider a change in dietary habits. Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I'm a wimp! There's this girl I like and I've liked her for about a year now and we've become really close but recently i found out she likes one of my other friends although he is only home for the next month... regardless I'm just afraid that I might never get a chance to be with her, what should i do? Thanks, Blake Dear Blake Dear Blake You say that you like her - does she know it? How have you let her know? Have you been direct and manly or have you been a wimp? If you've known her for a whole year and are still only "really close," then I'd say you're being a wimp! It's time to make your move, step up to the plate, get this party started, put the rubber to the road (among other things), etc. If she accepts you as a lover, then you'll have what you want. If she doesn't, then it's better that you find out now, so you don't waste any more time thinking "really close" is going to get any closer. Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - where did my money go?... Every time i get paid, i have no idea where all my money goes to? what should i do? Nick Dear Nick Send it to me, Rentapal. This way, you will always know where it went. Your pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - my swinging husband.... I think my husband is seeing another woman. We've only been married for 5 years. He says that he is working late a lot but I know that he is not in his office. I don't want to seem paranoid and I don't want to plant any ideas in his head if he is not having an affair. Should I confront him about it? Lonely Wifey Dear Lonely Wifey What makes you think he is seeing another woman? What if it turns out he is seeing another man? Would you feel the same way about that situation? What will you do if it turns out he is seeing lots of different people? If you ask him this question will you be prepared for every possible answer? Here is what you should do: Tell your husband that you want to go to a swing club - you know, the kind of place where people exchange sex partners. Watch his reaction. If he seems open to the idea, then he is probably not having an affair. If he asks you lots of questions and is willing to explore the idea, he is probably not having an affair. If he either laughs and thinks you are making a joke, or acts disgusted by the idea, then he probably is seeing someone else. Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I'm in a rut.... I hate my job and my boss is a jerk, but I can't find another one. I've been answering ads and responding to jobs on the Internet, but no luck. I've been in the same job for almost twelve years and am in a rut. I hate getting up in the morning. Should I just quit? Dilbert Dear Dilbert What will you do if you quit your job? Are you prepared to radically alter your life? Will you shave your head and join a Buddhist monastery? Will you join the Peace Corps? Will you drop out of society and live in the wild? Will you become a mercenary? Are you ready to completely give up the illusion that you actually control any aspect of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you must quit your job immediately, give away all of your possessions and follow your bliss. If you answered no or even hesitated for a moment, then you should just stay where you are because you are not ready to progress to the next level in life. You will just get another dull and meaningless job and still feel the same way. You can move from job to job but your psychic, emotional and cosmic baggage will always go with you. Your Pal, Paul Hey RENTAFREAK! What kind of loser would rent someone like you? This website must be a joke and you must be a f****** idiot! I hope you die! anonymous Dear anonymous You are beyond my help. However, I can recommend some reading resources for dealing with the terrible anger that must come as a result of your small penis complex: http://www.mypleasure.com/education/qanda/questions/overcoming_reduced_penis_size.asp http://www.teenwire.com/ask/2001/as-20010619p236.php http://studenthealth.oregonstate.edu/answerspot/message.php?message=2143 Good luck - you're going to need it! Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I'm a jerk!... My girlfriend is incredibly boring...how do I break up with her without sounding like a jerk? Dano Dear Dano You already sound like a jerk! It takes two to make a relationship interesting or boring. Look this word up in the dictionary: "initiative." Meanwhile, judging from the lack of detail and personality in your email message, I'd be willing to bet that you're the one who is boring her. You don't need to do anything. She will break up with you by the end of the year! Your Pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - it's about X, Y and Me... hi i just thought that i would talk you no get it out of my system so i have these friends x and y and x was going out with y but then x's friend told y that he liked her and she liked him so they told x that y and z liked each other and now x and y arent going out and every one at school knows about this and everyone hates z and y and they expect me to have all the answers but i dont and it doesnt help that i think im ugly and fat and no boy will ever like me and to top it all off my "friend" nicole hates me because she was bitchen about me in the toilets and i asked one of my other friends about it and nicole fell out with me am i a bad person or do i just not belong any where i could really use a friend but i cant tell anyone and i feel like every one hates me now can you help i dont blame you if you cant i just needed to tell someone Katy Dear Katy, Damn, I knew I should have paid more attention in algebra class! Forget your friends, take a grammar and spelling course, and you'll meet some nice new friends with good punctuation... Your pal, Paul DEAR RENTAPAL - I need a hand.... all my friends had girlfriends i alone dont have one. vat should i do? Sreeva Dear Sreeva Don't focus on your failures. Instead, focus on how to make the most with what you've got! Here is some recommended reading: http://www.jackinworld.com/ Your pal, Paul
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